we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
