I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
