Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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