everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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