You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
