Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
