i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
