It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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