the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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