All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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