I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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