Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
