Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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