i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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