the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
