My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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