??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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