i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
