The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
