Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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