I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
