His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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