Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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