Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
