32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
