I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
