how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
