What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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