at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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