I'm lost and stupid without you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize