i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
