Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
