ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
