I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
