3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Me too!
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
