it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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