Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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