you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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