Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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