All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
