Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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