Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
