then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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