apparently the secret to your success is patron
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
