I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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