Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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