i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
