This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
