I wish I only lived at night.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
