sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Terrible idea I love it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
