i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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