i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
