I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Boobs are out for the taking
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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