hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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