Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
