Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
