I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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