i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
