I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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