Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I didn't notice because vodka
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
