its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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