He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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