david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
