I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
