i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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