she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The adults are the big ones right?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
