Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
