I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
