the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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