There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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