Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
