haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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