i don't like sucking hair
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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