oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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