would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
