The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just invented taco cereal.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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