my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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