Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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