weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
