Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
