Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
