Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
